It’s official: I do not like Mondays. They are no good and honestly, I think I could just do without them. Now Sundays, those are good days. Yesterday was Sunday and it was so awesome. I did so many things and visited so many different places -it was fantastic. I also made a brand new discovery that I think might be useful for me in the future. So, whenever I hear the humans say this word “sit” or “down” I get this strange urge to stick my butt on the ground. Don’t ask me why I do it, but I get this strange feeling that if I put my butt on the ground something good will happen…and then I hear a loud CLICK and the crazy humans give me a treat and tell me that I’m a good boy. Weird…I haven’t quiet been able to put the pieces together on this one, but I think I’ll get it eventually.
Yesterday started out pretty typically: The humans woke up, took me out of my crate, and walked me outside to this little grass area where I always pee. Don’t get me wrong, this little grass area is a great place to pee, but I just don’t understand why the humans find it necessary to take me all the way outside and down three flights of stairs to do something I could easily do on the carpet. It really doesn’t make any sense. I don’t see the humans peeing outside on a little piece of grass, but I also don’t see them pee on the carpet either…hmm…this is going to take some figuring out. Next thing I know, crazy the male human decides to take me out to the big lawn to run around. This is great because the male human loves to run around just as much as me (I really think we have a lot in common). The entire time the male human is saying “go number two go number two,” which doesn’t really make much sense to me since go is a verb and number two is a noun phrase -sorry it just bothers me when people don’t know how to speak the correct English. So there we are running around and having lots of fun while the male human continues to hollar out nonsense when I suddenly get the urge to poop, which once again is something I easily could have done on the carpet, but I was outside so what the hey. So I do my business when the male human reaches down and starts rubbing my muzzle and telling me that I’m a good dog. This is great! I love getting my muzzle rubbed and it’s always nice to hear positive feedback from the humans. “Let’s get back to running around,” I think to myself, but what does the male human do? He picks up my poop off the grass, which I find incredibly strange and creepy, takes it to the garbage, and then takes me back up to the house. What gives! It’s like all he wanted to do was to see me poop and leave. Strange creatures these humans are.
Later in the day after I had myself a really nice nap, the humans decided to take me outside (which I love), but instead of taking me on a walk they put me in this little portable den, that’s rather uncomfortable, and then put me in this thing that looked like a giant dog. Only it wasn’t a dog because we sat inside of it and it moved a lot faster than a regular dog. I’ve been in this giant dog before, and let me tell you: it is no fun. It stops and moves for no particular reason, it’s noisy, and it has this button that humans press to make all kinds of strange noise come out from all corners. This noise is really strange because it sounds like humans gone absolutely mad. I think I heard one of these mad humans say something like “baby are you down, down , down, down, down,” which was really confusing because then I suddenly got the urge to put my butt on the ground…strange.
Once we got out of the giant dog the humans took me to this place I had never been before. It was a big large building with all of these rooms and desks. The female human said it was her school where she teaches the fifth grade, but I always thought school had something to do with fish. Oh well, pretty typical of humans to say things that don’t make any sense. I was having a lot of fun roaming around until I saw two gigantic dogs sitting in one of the rooms. the male human and the female human started petting them (which made me pretty upset because by law they’re not allowed to pet any other dog but me), but did my best to stay as far away from them as I could. They were really old and I’m just a puppy, so for the time being I’m just going to stick with the humans where I know I’m safe.
After the male human and the female human had their fun with the two giant, ugly old dogs, we went into this big room that had a slippery floor and a lot of desks. The humans actually let me off my leash and let me roam around for awhile! They never do that! I was so excited. The next fifteen minutes felt like a blur. While the humans labored over printing paper and putting together a white-board, I flew by, and, for the first time in a while, really felt like a puppy! Unfortunately, the fun soon ended when I was strutting along and come across a big pile of poop. I approached and smelled it to see whom it belonged to (strangely enough it kind of smelled like my poop) when out of nowhere the humans started freaking out. I was a little upset because I was the only dog in the room and somehow another dog must have snuck in and pooped there while I wasn’t looking (it must have been one of big ugly dogs I saw earlier). Of course the humans went absolutely crazy and picked me up and put me back in my portable den, ruining all of my fun. The female human really had a hard time with the poop because she looked like she was about to vomit -gross. Then of course the humans started picking up the poop, which is what they always do when they find a turd. They must collect the stuff, because personally, I would have just left it there.
After taking a nap in my portable den, one of the humans decided to take me out and walk me around for awhile. We suddenly came to big flight of stairs and instead of picking me up and carrying me down like the male human always does, he just left me there halfway down and acted like he wanted me to walk down there rest of the day. Was he crazy? Why would I walk down stairs if I could have one of the humans carry me? I normally consider myself a pretty touch little pug, but I hate stairs and figured that the best thing to do was start crying until the male human felt sorry enough for me to take me down himself -but he didn’t. He just left me there! So there I was, stuck, without any help. I didn’t want to be there all day. Feeding time was only an hour away and there was no chance in heck I was going to miss out on food. So, I did what any dog would. I toughened up and walked down those steps myself. I was so proud of myself because not only would I make it home for food, but I got to prove to the male human that I could walk down stairs all by my self without any of his help. Surprisingly, he seemed pretty happy that I was able to walk down the stairs and showered me love once I got down. This was a little strange because I was sure he put me up on the steps to torture me. These humans are so hard to figure out.
So here I am, it’s Monday and I’m sitting in my crate watching one of the humans tapping his fingers on away on that things he’s always on. What does he call it again? Oh yeah, laptop. Strange because it doesn’t look like the top of a Lab. Well, time for me to get back to napping.
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