Judging

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There are these two dogs that live in the apartment right across from mine. Every time I see them they are screaming and barking and running around like crazy. Naturally, I do my best to chase after them to join in on the fun. Unfortunately, the humans always hold me back and and say things like, “Jeez those dogs are crazy,” or “Somebody needs to do something with those dogs.” I get so angry when they say those things because I’m sure a lot of other humans say horrible things about me behind my back, such as “What an ugly little pug that is” or “Look at those googly eyes on that thing” or “Why is that dog eat poop out of his own butt hole?”

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The point is that I do a lot of terrible things, and it is not fair to blame the dog or their owners, because we all have bad qualities we can’t control. Additionally, if the humans think the neighbor’s dogs are so horrible, why don’t they ask her if she needs any help with them? I’m sure that would help out a lot. Also, maybe the owner just doesn’t care and the dogs are acting crazy because they are scared and nervous. When I am nervous or scared I hide under the couch and there is nothing the humans can do about it. It is my freak-out spot and I’ll be dammed if they are going to take it away.

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I wish there were a way for dogs to display to the world who they are and why. It is important for people to know why dogs act the way they do, and it’s also important for dogs to be able to tell the world, “Hey, I do stupid things sometimes and have no one to blame but myself.”

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For example, I wish I could walk around with a sign around my neck with the following messages:

My Fault:

  • Eating poop – It taste delicious and no one will ever stop me from doing it
  • Biting the humans – I sometimes mistake them for chew toys.
  • Pooping on the carpet – I am a bit twisted at times and get a kick out of seeing the humans freaking out

Not My Fault

  • Barking at Strangers – The humans get so mad when I do this, but what they don’t realize is that my nature, I am suspicious of everyone until I get a chance to either sniff their butt or lick their face.
  • Crying – I cry when the humans leave me alone. I can’t help it because I am a pug, and pugs begin to malfunction when they don’t have a human around to torment.
  • Going Crazy – I go crazy when I am left by myself for too long or when I am excited to see the humans. As much as the humans annoy me, I am programmed to be their shadow. I have not purpose if I can’t follow them around all of the time. 

3 Comments

  1. Frankie Furter and Ernie on

    Gee Bunk we don’t see One thingy wrong with the thingys you do. AND we think you are very much HANDSOME.

    WHAT is up with Peeps Always complaining about US like this?
    They should take a good look at the CRAZY stuffs THEY do.
    Like Cutting their Nails and taking baffs.. EVERY day and WASHING Dishes… instead of LICKING them Clean.

  2. Hi Bunk!

    Anyone who would call you an ugly little google-eyed pug is out of their mind! You’ve got a great look, dude.

    I know what you’re talking about though – humans need to remember we are DOGS after all and there’s certain things we are just wired to do!

    -Love,
    Sid.

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