One Fat Pug
I am one fat pug. Ever since the humans decided to buy me a 30 pound bag of Blue Buffalo puppy food and Dogswell Vitality Potato treats from MrChewy.com I have been rolling around the house like a walrus. If you are new to this blog I should let you know that I love eating! It doesn’t even have to be dog food; put it in front of my face and I’ll eat it!
Just imagine the look on my face when I saw the humans hauling in a gigantic bad of food. Oh, and when they opened the Potato treats -I was so drunk with excitement that I ran into three walls before I could bite them out of the human’s hands.
What’s really great about mrchewy.com is that it is so easy to order even the idiot humans could do it -and that’s saying something! The great thing about all of this awesome food is that it inspired the humans to buy me even more treats and snacks. I guess they realized that the more time I spend chewing on treats the less time I will spend chewing up their clothes.
This influx in food and treats also coincided with the male human leaving for a really long time. I’m not sure what happened to him (I’m guessing he was either at the vet’s or at PetSmart getting his nails ground), but once he left I was in treat city because the female loves to give me treats. She must have felt guilty for having my balls chopped off because she threw treats into my mouth like she was throwing coins into a slot machine -only instead of the slot machine pouring out a bunch of money, it poured out a bunch of poop. (Some would interpret that as a pretty good prize.) That’s why I like the female human, because even though she cries when I bite her fingers, she at least has the sense to bribe me with food. The male human is the worst. All he does is tell me to sit, and stay, and Bunk don’t eat that other dog’s poop.
The worst part about him is that he yells at the female when she gives me treats. Doesn’t he understand that as a pug it is my duty to get as fat as I possibly can? What kind of pug would I be if I didn’t have rolls of skin and lumps of chub bulging out of my collar. Each jelly roll is lick notch for food consumption. The more jelly rolls you have, the more status you have within the pug community. What would happen if some other pugs saw me free of fat? I would get ridiculed and potentially called something other than a pug, like a Boston Terrier or French Bulldog! Oh Dog, that would really be the end of me!
All I can say is that hopefully this trend of getting Bunk as fat as possible continues, because there’s nothing I would love more than to be awarded as the fattest pug alive. Well, I guess I would be happy with just being nominated. I’m moving up, however. I’m up to 14 pounds and the only thing standing in my way of my goal of 1000 pounds is myself. So in order to become the fattest pug ever, and achieve my goal, I have worked out a new diet and exercise plan: No diet and no exercise.