The Vet…ouch (my pug butt hurts)!
Everything was going fine until a stupid human started sticking things up my butt. It was all downhill from there…
Yesterday started out fine enough. It was Sunday, the humans were around all day, and I was going to Pet Smart to get what every baby pug loves: some new toys! The only thing is, I wasn’t really going to Pet Smart, I was going to the veterinarian clinic at Pet Smart. “Oh well,” I thought. Once I arrived I immediately began to exploiting humans by refusing to step on the weight scale until they give me a biscuit, and once I got in the waiting room, I cried my little heart out until the stupid vet tech felt so bad for me that she gave me another biscuit. Score.
After waiting for the humans to do whatever it is they were going to do, I began to roam around and pooped on the ground. I was thinking about pooping for a while, but decided to wait until I found the perfect spot inside the store. Because I was alone with only one other human, I figured he would be forced to clean it up, which would serve as a pretty good punishment for brining me there in the first place. However, something unexpected happened. Right after I strategically placed my poop in the center of the room for the human to stare at, the vet tech came in and cleaned it up herself. NO FAIR! I wanted the other human to clean it up.
After waiting for a really long time, two new humans came in and I immediately started to get a bad feeling about the whole situation. Out of no where, someone picked me up and placed on this cold metal counter that was like a hundred feet off the ground. Normally, I would just jump off and run away, but I was surrounded and had no choice to stay put. My anxiety soon subsided, however, as the humans began petting me and telling me how awesome I was. “I’ve got it,” I thought. “The veterinarian must have loved me so much after the last time she saw me that she begged the humans to bring me in!” Everything was going to be ok…I began to relax.
Then “HOOOOOOWWWWLLLLLLLLL!” Something horrible happened. One of the humans put something up the hole from where I normally poop. “HOOOOOOOOWWWWLLLLL!” I cried. I knew it. The humans think I poop too much and they’re trying to prevent me from pooping ever again. That’s what this must be: Some kind of device to prevent poop from ever escaping by butt! “I’m sorry,” I thought. “Tell me what I’ve done and I’ll stop doing it!”
Then, just as soon as it began, the horror stopped. My crying must have helped because they removed all of their evil instruments, told me I was a good little pug, and left the room. Wow, never underestimate the power of crying, especially if you’re a cute pug like me.
Now I was back in the room with the humans who brought me there in the first place. It was strange because I figured that after torturing me they would want to take me home and give me loads of treats to buy back my love. Unfortunately, the pain was just beginning. The next thing I know I’m back on the cold metal counter and the evil vet is sticking large sharp needles in me! “HOOOOOOOOWWWWLLLLLL!” Once again. Why are they doing this. What did I ever do to them. Was it the hat I chewed up, because I swear one of the humans gave it to me and specifically asked me to destroy it.
After the humans were done pricking me with needles, I figured at this point that we would finally go home. Wrong. For some reason the humans who usually take care of me said something about going to a place called Walmart, and left me alone with the evil veteranarian who then took me to the back of the building and stuck me in a cage with a bunch of other filthy dogs and cats. Then I realized what had really happend. I wan’t at the vet’s, I was at THE POUND! “HOOOOOOOWWWWLLLLLL,” I cried over and over again. My life was over. I know I always gives the humans a hard time, but while I was sitting there in my cell I realized just how lucky a pug I was.
Then after being in prison for about thirty years, my humans came back to take me home. What a relief. I never found out what I did or why they decided to punish me so horribly, but from here on out I am going to be a well behaved little pug. At least until the humans do something to make me mad, like by not feeding me every two minutes -then I’ll be a well behaved pug.